


submerged

by eraleon



Series: In the Middle of the Ocean [2]
Category: Red vs Blue
Genre: M/M, Paper Towns AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 23:10:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6679216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eraleon/pseuds/eraleon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing is the same when Tucker wakes up, when he wakes up and Washington isn't there. When he lives days in grief until he finds a letter, and eventually gets thrust into something he never wanted.</p><p>Because all he wanted was to find him alive and breathing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	submerged

**Author's Note:**

> i'm gonna burn my house down into an ugly black  
> i'm gonna run away now and never look back

Text message: grifball  
[1/2] dude where r u  
[2/2] srsly uve been gone for like. a week

Text message: simon  
[1/1] Tucker, I swear to God I'll force myself through that front door and get you.

Text message: the holy catholic church  
[1/2] Dude if you dont show up to work youre gonna get fired i hope you realize that  
[2/2] Are you okay?? Where are you

 

 

Life had just very recently started to become more and more unbearable for Tucker, something it had been when everything seemed to go straight down the drain once a very particular Epsilon showed up. Because everything was fine, everything was absolutely perfect, and for once he was finally content and happy with his life, until Washington had been ripped from his hands without Tucker even realizing. He slipped through without so much as a word, leaving Tucker completely devastated and completely torn up over the situation --- Not that Washington could've seen. He wasn't even there anymore. He was gone, just like that.

Up and left without so much as a trace.

What's worse is that Tucker saw the warning signs, saw them like they practically screamed at him, and yet he thought he could try to fix the other man, thought he could save him. He didn't realize it had gotten so bad, that Washington was already gone. After all, he promised he would go to Tucker when there was a problem. He simply figured Wash would hold that promise and keep it, but who was he kidding?

Washington was a self sacrificing asshole that had some sort of death wish and play with fate. Tucker had long since known that, but knowledge and acknowledgment are two completely different things. ( Part of him thinks he just wished he didn't think he would lose Wash so easily. )

You see, his mind seemed to be toyed with, the anxieties and worries tugging and the ends of his mind, and he tried so hard, tried to brush them off as "possibly overthinking the entire situation", and he prayed to a God he didn't believe in for it to be true. Got down on his knees at his bedside and tried so hard. 

And not a day passes where he doesn't feel the guilt of every mistake he's made, every regret, and every what if that he could've just sat down and truly saved his boyfriend before Washington had took his own leave. To who knows where, on top of it. With nothing more to go by, and when Tucker wakes up, he's not surprised to see the bed made up on one side, and all of the blond man's clothes completely gone. All of his belongings, everything. It was like Washington never even existed.

But that's what he wanted, Tucker knew. He knew Wash wanted to make Tucker forget everything ever happened, because even if he was self sacrificing, he was also self conscious and everloving fuck --- He had somehow managed to convince himself that Tucker deserved better. For what reason, he had no idea, especially with the constant reminders to him that he was _more_ than enough. The dreadlocked man had tried every trick in the book to try to convince his boyfriend to see things in himself that Tucker had seen, and more. 

Yet every effort fell to waste, as if they meant nothing to Washington.

He knew it wasn't true. He knew the other man was grateful beyond words.

But still, somehow, it had stung so much. 

The bed was cold, there was no trace of heat, and Tucker didn't have to get up to search to know that everything he'd been desperately holding on to had left him. Not even the pillow had an indentation anymore. 

It doesn't really take long for Tucker to fall back into the covers, bury his face into his own pillow, and let go of every tear he'd been so effortlessly holding back. Because if Washington saw him cry, then surely he would've somehow translated it to his own fault? Tucker simply had to be strong for him, you see. There was no showing weakness, there was no letting it show for even a second. He had to bear every burden that the blond had carried. 

But that burden was gone now.

He didn't really know why he felt even heavier despite the fact.

.

 

Text message: choo choo  
[1/2] TUCKER!!!! CHURCH KEEPS ASKING ME IF I HAVE SEEN YOU  
[2/2] WHERE ARE YOU

.

Text message: colonel fuck u  
[1/3] Son you have yet to show up to Grif's daily game night  
[2/3] And somehow you never miss that  
[3/3] Which begs the question, are you doing alright

.

 

.

 

_Dear you._

_You may have known me by many various names, you may have known me by a face. You may not have known me whatsoever. David Ashton Church, or, better known as Washington. What you didn't know was who I truly am._

 

Text message: the other aqua  
[1/2] tucker, i think everyone's starting to get extremely worried about your well being.  
[2/2] please respond soon.

 

_And who I truly am is someone I hope to God you don't ever want to find yourself coming close to. You see, I have a certain way with words that only allow me to cut down everyone I ever possibly care about, all at once. It's some kind of curse. Anyone who ends up becoming to close to me sees the flames, and no matter how many times they say they aren't afraid, they end up getting burned some way or another. And it's always at my hand, no matter how many times I try to hold it back._

_So I distance myself, for fear that it would one day rage out of control._

 

Text message: taxes  
[1/1] Tucker, if you don't get your ass out of that house and tell us what's going on, we'll have to just break down that door on our own, whether you like it or not.

 

_But the funny thing about distancing yourself constantly is you never really get to see what effects that has on the person that somehow fell victim. You never really see the aftermath. It's kind of a double-edged sword; One minute you're grateful because you don't want to feel horrible, but you never really know if that person liked you as much as you did to them. You never really see if your impact on them was positive or not. But I guess that's just a part of this, huh? This little... Game._

_Because that's all they ever taught you. Life's just one big, one very fucked up game._

_I guess you could say that I'm losing the game. There's not really much I can do about it, other than just... Distance myself entirely. Leave. Never look back, not even once. I've seen and lived through too much shit to be considered a good person anymore. I'm just some kind of monster. And no matter how many times people have tried to convince me otherwise, it has yet to ever work in their favour._

_I'm leaving this letter in hopes that maybe you'll find it, and join me on this adventure of sorts. It's a game, my dear reader, and if you aren't willing to participate, then I'm sorry. Take it as evidence for David Church's missing reports that are sure to be filed by now. I'd like to say I don't really care, but I'm not really much of a liar anymore now. I've grown too weak to play this game of my own._

_So now, it's your turn. And I beg of you: Please play my game._

_Stay by a hypocrite's side._

_-David Church_

 

**Author's Note:**

> just a little bit of setting placement! once again, this'll be a slow-updating fanfiction, but hopefully i'll make it work someday! it'll be possibly long, or in the middle, who knows?
> 
> follow me on tumblr for more updates @eraleon !


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